This is it, Germany in just over one month. I remember counting down from almost 8 months. It's surreal to me, and probably will be until I'm actually living at Bodenseehof with all the other students, screaming on the inside to come back home. Until then... I await my departure eagerly :)
Since my last update, God has done some serious shifting around of things in my life. I could probably blog for hours and hours giving a detailed update, but I spend so many hours of my life already just thinking about everything - I'll just re-cap as briefly as possible.
1.) I have fallen for Joel... big time. Something happened; he expressed his feelings at a time that I didn't necessarily reciprocate, a few days passed... and now the butterflies and tingles I get when thinking about him are a constant. We spent the entire summer as friends; God carefully placed him in my life at the exact right time when Joel and I had the exact right intentions: keeping things platonic and fun. We spent hours upon hours talking and mingling with mutual friends about life and love and God and the future... never did I expect or plan for it to end this way. He left for Pullman three days ago, and before he left we shared our first kiss. And it was perfect:: laying under the stars out on my dock watching a meteor shower that happened to be scheduled on Joel's last night in town, he asked me yet again [after asking and being denied multiple times before this] if he could kiss me. For the first time, I actually knew it was what I wanted and needed to feel before he left. So I let him. And it was magical :) We talked for so long we fell asleep under the stars and woke up as the sun was rising over the lake. Pretty sure there couldn't be a more perfect first kiss for me <3
2.) I let Sam go. I couldn't feel things for Joel all summer because I hadn't let Sam go, and I finally one day just stopped thinking about him. I deserve to be loved loyally and unconditionally. I deserve to be respected, cherished, and worth the effort. I deserve to be the chosen one that a guy discovers and fights for because he knows that no one else will make him happier. All this... Sam can't give me. All this... Joel is dying to give me. It was time for me to let Sam go.
3.) I have some of the most incredible people in my life. Co-workers are now friends, Sydney is closer to me than ever, Joel's friends are now my friends, and life couldn't be sweeter. I just spent three days in Chelan with some of the coolest girls on the Front End at Costco and Sydney joined for a portion of that vacation. I spent all summer meeting and getting to know a lot of Joel's closest friends - some more than others. I got together with some Tri-Delts and ADORED my time with them; I truly love and miss my sisters. Some high school friends like Amy Lindsay came back into my life while spending time with my favorite Devin, and the three of us have shared some wonderful moments and conversations this summer. I even got together and reconnected with some friends from elementary school who I havent seen in 14 years! And just when this happens... I take off for 7 months across the world. I will admit, I am a bit bitter. This really sucks :(
**What God is doing in my life is just a bunch of unkowns and uncertainties to me. Which, of course, are my weaknesses. No answers, no details... NOT how I work best. Joel and I have agreed to stay in touch while I'm gone and simply be honest about our feelings. We both want the best for the other person, and if someone better comes along for either of us, the plan is to take it and run with it. Dating will be a part of our future only if in the next 7 months the Lord lays it on both our hearts that it's the right thing and the right time. But golly, I sure hope it happens :) Joel Elliott Regalado is one outrageously amazing and special man.**
