dust off the blog.

it's actually been a month. an entire month [minus 3 days]. i remember writing my last post like it was yesterday. i was very stressed but VERY excited to be heading home. i was deep in thought about many things, and also very sick at the time. 1st term was coming to a close, and my upcoming Christmas break was already packed full of plans with family and friends. and here i am, the entire month of December behind me, left with happy memories and hundreds of pictures :)

to put it simply, my time at home was perfect. the ONLY thing that could have possibly made it any better would have been more time. but time is always my problem. i always seem to need more time with people. more time for memories, for laughter, for sharing and loving. i suppose

that's one of God's great lessons for us - only He knows exactly how much time we need in each place and with each person. so, back to the theme of living by faith withOUT all the answers, i am left with nothing to say but thank you. Thank you, Jesus, for all the minutes and seconds i had at home, with my family and my friends, and most dearly, my joel :) you, my sweet boyfriend, i could never get sick of. time with you is where i am happiest and find it easiest to understand the blessings in my life. our planned 8 days was sadly turned into only 6 when God took your grandpa home, and while it made me sad to have less time with you, it broke my heart even more to see you upset. i am eternally grateful for the opportunity to be home in that moment you needed me most, and i am so proud of you for being so strong this past week through all the hard times both alone and with family. i love you and can only pray i'm there for all other moments in your life that are

equally upsetting.

i left school in december, went home for a day, flew to mexico with mikaela and after the parentals met us there the next day, we

all spent the following 7 days together in the sun [or shade in my dad's case] relaxing and catching up. we slept in each morning, spent all day under the sun, played some mexican train, did happy hour every evening by the beach, and watched at TON of big bang and modern family. i have really missed them, especially my sister. life has pulled us all in different directions the last couple of years, and

this is only the beginning. i predict the next 10 years will hold a couple weddings, maybe some kids, and definitely some settling down in towns or states that may not be as close to each other as

we've hoped over the years. so, given those relatively predictable circumstances, time together is a gift now, one to be cherished and recorded via 700 pictures in a week's time. obviously ;)

we flew home from mexico and i spent a couple days waiting for you to come home, joel. you finally did that sunday night, and i remember seeing you walk through the door in my basement for the first time in 3 months.. and that first hug was priceless. i had waited so long for that :) the following 6 days were the mostsatisfying and perfect 144 hours any girl possibly spend with her boyfriend. i've already said this several times, but thank you SO MUCH for being around. thank you for spending time with my friends, and my family, and sitting through hundreds and hundreds of pictures over the course of the week. i'm so grateful you love being in pictures with me... otherwise i dont know if i'd be seeing a future with you ;) on several occasions you took me out to lunch, and dinner, watched a movie with me [a recent favorite of mine now ;)], bought me a Christmas gift, drove me around without question, and took care of me when i needed you most. thank you for your understanding nature and kind heart. the conversations and honesty we shared were what i was most excited to come home to. aside from your kisses ;) my new years with with was everything i could have hoped for. i truly believe i wouldn't make it through this school year as strong as i'm going to if it weren't for you and everything our relationship means to me. last week at home was absolutely wonderful, and i know leaving was the hardest part, but i KNOW that june will be a month unlike any other homecoming i've ever experienced. i can't wait, and i'm beyond lucky to have a guy who wants to wait for me, too :]


seeing friends was also wonderful; so much had changed since leaving in september i wasn't sure what to expect when i got home. but my relationships were somehow sustained throughout my time gone, and reuniting with the girls and guys closest to me was such a joy :) i missed my tri delts SO much and seeing them over new years was absolutely perfect! sara, kim, stephany, katie, devin and jenny - i'm so grateful i got to see you, and kristen and kelsey - i'm sad i missed you but we'll have time this summer! every conversation was exactly what i needed. i love my friends :)

so, in a nutshell, that was my last month. i have some goals and expectations for myself this next term, on which i fully intend to expand in my next blog so as to keep myself accountable to all who read. for now, i'm warm and safe at Verinoka's house with her family and awesome german dog. traveling overnight across the globe all alone was an experience in and of itself, but i'm here now and that's what is important.

i love you all, and miss home an incredibly amount already.

if only.

so. something i've done a lot of thinking, praying, and talking-with-laura about lately is trust. trusting in the Lord, more specifically. it's so easy for me to want the big picture, the whole story. i'd love to know where i'm going to be in ten years, who i'm going to be with, the career i will have started by then, the people in my life now who are still a part of my life then. i would love to know if what i'm doing, where i'm going is the right thing - if my trajectory [concept from last week with Richard Dahlstrom] is in line with God's will. if my friendships and relationships are even worth my time today, because they may mean nothing in ten years. if my thoughts and plans are even worth any effort... because God's plan will prevail and it may have nothing to do with what i think is best for my life. if i could just know for sure who my husband is, i could start preparing today for whatever may need to happen between now and marriage. if i could just know for sure what God wants me to do full-time with my life and education, i could better focus my academics and be proactive in the right areas. if only i were God. that's basically what i'm saying.

the second we know what He knows, we become completely independent. we won't need Him, or anything having to do with Him - relationship, dependence, trust, faith, hope, etc.

this.. is the greatest challenge of the Christian life - living completely by faith, trusting that His plan is the best plan, and it will be revealed to me in the most perfect timing possible for my life.

i fly home in 7 days.

SO. MUCH. TO. DO. STILL.

gahhhh.. prayer is appreciated! :) i'll write more later.

and so it goes

Time is seriously flying. Just to update:

*the Pentateuch paper went well and was turned in on time.
*kFORCE bowling was perfect [minus april and jeannine being sick - we missed you!!!] it was pj's vs. gangsters vs. christmas. philip and i dominated on the pj team, duh ;) we had a blast and I just LOVE my k-group :]
*the Bible book and memory verse exam went REALLY well [thank you, Jesus!] and I eagerly await my score
*travel weekend was a very nice, much-needed break from the routine of life here at the Bode. the weather and scenery were beautiful, the hut was quaint, and the memories I have now of people I spent my time with will forever make me smile :]
*the Missionary Biography paper is due tonight by lock-up. Mine's already turned in and I thoroughly enjoyed the book I chose: God's Smuggler, the story of Brother Andrew. SUCH a great book - I highly recommend it for those both called and not called into the field of missions.
*we have 9 days left to pull The Crossing together. Things are going supurbly on that front, thanks once again to Jesus :] We have thus far figured out the theme, the message, the drama, the testimony, the decorations, and are almost done choosing songs and performers for the music portion of the evening. This weekend will be full of preparations and rehearsals, and then we'll STILL have a whole week to work out the bugs. What a relief :) Please be in prayer for The Crossing, for the hearts and minds of the local guests coming to see the program, for the speaker to use only the words God's given him, for the testimony to speak to those God's trying to reach that night, and for the smoothness of the evening as a whole. Thanks, friends.
*Yes, the Bible Study Project due date is quickly approaching. Still due December 1st, the 15-page paper on a book of our choice [off the list of pre-determined options in our student manual] will be a project indeed. I'm excited for the knowledge I gain by doing it. Maybe I should go pick my book now....
*Sing Teams still have outreach shortly thereafter - [IN] Dependence, the sing team I'm a part of, has a Sunday morning outreach on December 5th. Pray for our preparation please?

Geez.. time is flying. Just yesterday, it seems, sunny October was just getting underway and all of these assignments and activities were just a bunch of overwhelming words on paper. I'm so grateful for the development of friendships and the progress in my own faith and knowledge. I'm learning so much, both by reading and conversing; spending time in the Word and in fellowship is the story of my life these days. And I couldn't be more like a sponge, soaking it all up. Laura has grown ever so close to my heart; we spent a lot of time together at the hut, and before that we just marveled together at how AWESOME our k-group is. Today we went on a 45 minute walking after working on our own papers for the Missionary Biography [which we read together out loud and was one of the more enjoyable book experiences as a result]. I love you, Laura. I just LOVE BEING HERE. Just.. LOVE it ;)

Philip, you're awesome :P
Kendra, I miss you.
Laura, thank you for rubbing my feet.
Kirsten and Rosiland.. you MADE the Hut. Thank you :)
McKenzie, thank you for braiding my hair and rubbing my back.
Roommates, thank you for listening.
Jon, thanks for opening up and sharing. it was really, really great :)
Dylan, good > 50%
fam-bam, I can't WAIT for Mexico!! only 27 days till I fly home to you all!
and Joel, i love you :)

Everyone else, thanks for following! My experiences are far too frequent to put into words here, so I'll just let the Lord show them through my life next time you and I have a conversation. Life here simply gets better with each passing day. I'm discovering who I am, learning to forgive myself and love me for me. I'm talking through struggles I never knew I struggled with. I'm leaning on friends who have my back for all the right reasons, and will never forget me, never stop loving me.
I'm messing up, I'm failing, I'm forgetting.
I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm loving.
I'm laughing, I'm crying, I'm talking.
I'm listening, I'm letting go, I'm giving up control.

Ps. the speakers are spectacular. my notebook is getting uber worn out :]

life: consumed.

mkayyyy so.. God is good. I'm feeling much better lately, both physically and emotionally, so thank you to all who have been praying. My roommates and i are getting even closer, and students here are finally becoming friends. like... REAL friends. which is great :) Philip and i talk and pray together a lot now, and it's nothing shy of wonderful. he reminds me a ridiculous amount of Joel. [ps joel I LOVE YOU]. so it's kind of nice; engaging in conversation with someone who reminds me of the one person i want most :) last weekend we had a K-Group photo shoot and right after that room 124 went out for a photo shoot as well [thank you, Kendra!!!!] and both were very fun. i love pictures!!!! :D

but recently, life just got VERY stressful.

let me just paint the picture of november for you all:
*The Pentateuch paper due tonight by 10:30 [first five books of the Bible]
*3 days later, Sunday K-Group social event [bowling!!!!]
*2 days later, Tuesday Bible Book and memory verse exam [hm. studying would be good]
*2 days later, Travel Weekend begins [Austria hut for the win!!]
*4 days after we get back, Missionary Biography paper due [i should probably start that book...]
* 9 days later, THE CROSSING [production led by Kyle, Christa, Philip, and myself]
*4 days later, Bible Study Project due [15-page paper that i'll have ...no time for? perfect].
*2 days later, more sing teams leave for outreach [15 fully prepared songs needed. hmmm]


great. there goes any chance of having free time or a social life for the next month. but it's all good. we're learning and growing and serving the Lord all the while :) and i love it. keeping myself busy will ALSO make time fly. which means i'll be home in no time. home to you, joel ;)

life here is absolutely great. Jesus is with me and my thoughts and my conversations and i'm praying now more than ever. alone and with people, both. I LOVE IT! :)

a cross to bridge the great divide.

there's a bridge to cross the great divide....
there's a cross to bridge the great divide.

communication is key.
growing in patience, understanding, and grace.
giving up pride and expectations.
with every sunrise comes a new preparation of the mind, body and soul for this challenge.
focusing on the One who gives me life and trusting that His plan is more perfect than mine could ever be.
He alone can know the need in me, before i even speak.
i will trust in Him.
He will not turn away.
there is hope reborn... and sin forgiven.

this is one fabulously frustrating year.


The Great Divide, by Point of Grace
Words and Music by Grant Cunningham & Matt Huesmann

Silence
Trying to fathom the distance
Looking out 'cross the canyon carved
By my hands
God is gracious
Sin would still separate us
Were it not for the bridge His grace
Has made us
His love will carry me

(Chorus)
There's a bridge to cross the great divide
A way was made to reach the other side
The mercy of the Father, cost His son
His life
His love is deep, His love is wide
There's a cross to bridge the great divide

God is faithful
On my own I'm unable
He found me hopeless, alone and
Sent a Savior
He's provided a path a promised
To guide us
Safely past all the sin that would divide us
His love delivers me

(Repeat Chorus)

The cross that cost my Lord His life
Has given me mine

There's a bridge to cross the great divide
There's a cross to bridge the great divide

(Repeat Chorus)

MICHAEL BUBLE :)

Michael Buble was absolutely perfect in concert :)

he was personable, funny, comfortable, sexy, musical, spontaneous, jazzy, gentle, energetic, witty, humble, confident, organized, and sang BEAUTIFULLY.

his concert set was incredible, his song choice was perfect, the lights were bright, the screens were big, the crowd was on their feet and LOUD. i have never screamed so loud myself ;) and he absolutely knew katie, mckenzie and i were there. check it out:

partway through the concert he stopped to introduce his jazz band behind him one by one [because they come from all over the world but mostly Germany and America], and when he got to a particular member he said, "this next guy.. from Seattle, Washington - "

mckenzie, katie and i screamed SO loudly from the balcony seats we were in that michael stopped what he was saying, looked up at us and said "haha uh. thank you... seattle, washington."

pretty much MADE my night. that and the fact that he opened with Cry Me a River, and closed for the encore with Feeling Good. and when Haven't Met You Yet came about.. i sensed it was next so my camera was out in time to record it in video :D

Mikaela.. thank you so much for that ticket :) everyone else, if you EVER go to Micheal Buble live and in concert and need a friend by your side i am THERE. his songs will be at my wedding, and my children will love him like we love the Beatles.

end of story.

on the road again.

mmm :)
McKenzie is playing with my hair as i type. and it feels amazing. i love this....

so. things have taken quite the turn since my last post. i've decided to NOT listen to anyone but the Lord, and if that means people still talk, then so be it. that's not my business, and listening to rumors isnt going to help me any more than it's helping other students. which is.... not at all.

the yearbook this year is going to look so good. that's all i have to say.

we ran the 10k last weekend, and it was quite the experience. i finished, and i guess i can be proud of that in and of itself. and next time, i'll actually run for weeks leading up to the event. instead of just waking up one morning and saying "yeah, today i'll just run 6 miles. whatev."

Peter Reid is a fantastic speaker, and this past week i ordered his series of Colossians in MP3 form because it was THAT good. and because it's what our first exam this upcoming wednesday covers. so... it'd be good to have a sweet memory of our first exam material :P

tomorrow is the Michael Buble concert and the girls and i are SO EXCITED to finally train back up to Frankfurt and see him in concert for the first time!! a dream come true, to say the least. today i got Joel's 2nd letter in the mail and have read it 4 times through already. i love letters. especially from him. i love him. and miss him. and knowing he feels the same makes it SO much easier to handle something as challenging as long distance. Joel... you're the best :)

our first outreach is coming up, and all the sing teams and drama teams performed their first song/drama for the student body yesterday. we have so much talent at this school. and i'm very proud of my group. we call ourselves [IN]dependence. haha.... catchy, huh? ;)


needleess to say, life is picking back up. God is good, school is good, friends are good, and Bodenseehof is GOOD. fabuuuuuulous :)
i'm on the road again.