day of silence.

so, as is the case every time we reach the end of a quarter here at Bodenseehof, today is a day of silence. it's like one massive reflection hour that lasts an entire afternoon, and it gives us a LOT of time to think. we're asked to remain quiet and away from people. i did my quiet time at the beginning of this silent period, wrote some postcards and took a walk to the bank. i'm dedicated to the silence and i reflect best through words, so i figured now is a perfect time to finally blog again. it's been a month and four days, and that's just strange. i'll re-cap first, then describe a bit of life as i know it today.

i got back to school after the first week of January with Veronika and her family, and took off three days later for a week-long outreach in the Black Forest. it was a blast :) my sing team, titled [IN] Dependence, got to sing and speak for four days in front of a multitude of audiences and age groups. we all stayed with host families and experienced an extra bit of German culture in those homes. we made our way through an old castle on our afternoon off, and ended the afternoon with the infamous Black Forest Cake. delicious :] we came home much closer and MUCH happier as a team. the next few weeks were pretty much a blur of reading assignments, written assignments, lectures, exams, and an adventure across the lake to the old German town of Konstanz with some friends. many pictures to show for my past month - all on facebook, in case you haven't already seen them ;)

we studied the gospel of John for a bit longer than a week, had a 2-part exam, then had a guest speaker by the name of Eis Van Dijk [pronounced Ice Van Dyke]. he spoke about many different things, but all were basically "life issues." he was a great speaker with some awesome messages, the main one being "your past has shaped your current belief system, and will determine your future unless it is dealt with." he was really big on digging up our past and finding the truth and meaning behind our behavior and habits of today. it was fascinating. he gave a lecture on the particularly popular topic of dating and marriage. all his notes for all lectures were handed to us at the beginning of the week, which made it much easier to listen :) i did some highlighting and note-taking in margins, but i mostly listened, and it was great. i did some talking with Joel about a couple of Eis's lectures, which made for some interesting conversations and will bring about more, i'm sure.

my new roommates are absolutely wonderful. room 122 has Emily and Kirsten from Canada, Alyssa from Colorado, and myself. great ladies with whom i laugh DAILY. we have our laundry time every tuesday, so we combine laundry and roommate time and gave it the title "122 Tuesdays." every tuesday we start laundry at 3 and hang out the entire rest of the day, up in our rooms sharing stories and laughing til we can't breathe. we are so dedicated and excited about it, our friends outside the room all know not to ask if any of us can hang out on tuesdays anymore. it's great :) mostly we giggle about stupid things, but we also share and pray a ton. i do love them, and must admit i never really thought i would. none of us were more than acquaintances last semester, so the speed and intensity of our bonding caught us all off guard and we are quite inseparable. aside from my few friends here who make me laugh, my emotional state has actually not been as stable as normal. i've experienced loneliness for the first time in a long time.

i suppose if i had to sum up the last month in a few words, it would be, "a busy 4 weeks full of unsatisfying and wavering thoughts about my struggles." numb. bored. abnormal, to say the least. it's hard being away from the ones you love, and surrounded instead by those you don't like. it's hard knowing that as friends prepare to go home to family after this term, your flight home won't be for another two months because a whole new experience awaits in England. friendships here are fun and exciting, but often unsatisfying and possibly temporary. it's hard seeing friends read their Bibles daily, and you can't seem to find 2 seconds to even open yours. it's hard knowing you're at a Bible school and your main struggle is the Bible itself. but this is where i am, and i'm here for a reason. i've spent enough time watching others grow. i'm happy for them and will look up to them probably for forever. my own boyfriend has become an inspiration to me, and if he can get up every morning and start his day off in the Word and in prayer, then i can find time, too. some say this experience is to find my identity; to really "search deep" and find out who i really am. i've learned that to find our identity, we must first accept that it's not our identity. it's Christ alone who offers us identity through Him, and this identity shapes who we are and how we behave. my identity is in Christ. well then. that's easier said than understood.


travel weekend has arrived, and i'm off to Strasbourg, France tomorrow with some FINE students from the Bode. we'll be renting a holiday home that sleeps 9, and will explore the town by day, and cook and relax together by night. it'll be wonderful. my two goals for Strasbourg:
1.) a real French crepe on the side of the road.
2.) one amazing pair of French boots.

after travel weekend i have three days before leaving with my sing team again for a 4-day outreach. this time we'll be like five hours northeast of school, about a half-our from the border of the Czech Republic. i'll cross the border. i must i must. we're going this time with a drama team so i'll get the opportunity to bod with some fellow students out on the road and in schools. once again we'll be in host homes, hopefully this one will be less awkward than my last.

all in all, i need prayer. prayer for my prayer, essentially. i'm discovering much about my present belief system that's been shaped by my past, and often times it's uncomfortable. my quiet times are rare, my prayer life is dull, and my overall spiritual mood is quite often upset. i'm lonely because i'm not filled with the Spirit regularly. i don't want to go home, but i think a lot about not being here, either. ugh :/

oh. happy valentine's day on monday, to those who celebrate. count your blessings, all of you who get to be with your special someone.