and now, it's time.

So, as promised, here's the shout-out to my wonderful boyfriend who finally reached graduation from the Reserves program and sent me some very handsome pictures that I’ve now shared with the world. Almost eight straight months of a dedicated eight hours a week, with additional hours on the weekends when needed, this program took a great deal out of Joel’s senior year of university life. Maintaining that on top of his academics, social life, and a long-distance relationship is something worthy of praise, indeed. Time, money, sweat, and an incredible amount of overall effort went into this program, and he absolutelydeserves reward and credit. His mom pinned his badge at the formal ceremony Tuesday evening, May 31, 2011 and although I was sad that I was missing yet another graduation of his, I am SO proud of him and grateful that his family could still make it for love and support. Joel Elliott Regalado, you amaze me day after day :]

The following day, June 01, 2011 was the BIG DAY that had finally arrived! Joel left Pullman, Colfax and Othello behind and headed to the westside to take care of some last-minute things before making the drive to Seatac airport. He checked in and boarded his very first international flight :] London-bound, he was finally on his way to the one thing he’s patiently waited five long months to see again – my face! :D :D :D

Here we are, Thursday evening of this first week of June and the countdown is down to 4 SLEEPS TIL HE’S HERE! He arrived safely to Brenda and Tony’s today and is now relaxing in their home just east of London. A weekend of sight-seeing and great excitement awaits Joel tomorrow morning, after a much-needed night of good sleep. Monday morning will arrive soon [hopefully!] and he’ll bus 7 hours north to this great castle I’ve called home for the last two months. Monday evening 6:30pm will be the absolute BEST moment this year has brought me so far. New Years day was the last time I saw him, and five months later I reflect on our struggles and growth with a smile on my face as I eagerly await his warm embrace again. From Valentine’s Day deliveries of roses and jewelry to hours of tough talks through tears and discomfort, this last two thirds of long-distance has brought us humility and grace, revelation and understanding. Eight months of separation with six quick days together in December has made for one incredible relationship full of God’s grace and love. Our Heavenly Father has our best interest at heart, no doubt, and has allowed our past hurts and struggles to benefit our present-day relationship. Much tougher at certain times than others, but beneficial nonetheless. Skype is, without a doubt, one of the greatest communication tools of this day and has been an absolute blessing to Joel and me. It has brought us much comfort and laughter, and as often as we remember we praise the Lord for the chance to do long-distance in this age of technology.

This week has proved to be long but productive. God has answered my prayers and has given me pockets of time in which I accomplished so much New Testament reading, as well as laundry, organizing, planning and sleeping. This weekend will be spent packing and reading, and desperately trying not to watch the clock as each hour drags on slower than the one before it. My goal is to be done packing sometime on Saturday, and done with the book of Revelation by Sunday evening. Today I’ll reach the end of James, which leaves me only the Peters, Johns, Jude and Revelation [not bad, for having been in the Corinthians only a few days ago! I must be excited about something…]

Tomorrow night is the last Family night, and will be spent out in Carnforth with Les and his wife. The school is offering a trip to Liverpool all day Saturday, but I wouldn’t be consistent if I didn’t pass up yet another school trip ;) The money these things cost is simply not worth it for me today. Maybe sometime in my future, when I have a career and significant savings, and a husband who won’t mind walking down memory lane with me for the sake of filling in my gaps of travels… maybe then I can see places like Liverpool. There are SO many places I want to see again – all different parts of England, Ireland, Scotland, Italy, Greece, France, Germany, Sweden, Spain…

A girl can dream, right? ;)

I realize as this term comes to a close, I don’t have much to say about the people here. I suppose that can be seen as a sad thing, but perhaps not. The speakers don’t stick out in my mind as anything phenomenal (with the exception of Rob Whittaker and Derek Burnside), but I don’t know that that’s a terrible thing either. The last six weeks were full of alone time, with a prayer life and Bible reading habits that are still new to me. I can’t say I did much in terms of a social life, and while I made friends because of my nature, I walk away from England without a special someone or that “best friend” most people have. I have my close friends from Bodenseehof, and I’m still very content with them :) We have exchanged many letters these last two months, and I pray this is only the beginning. I’ll get back on Facebook in a couple weeks with a renewed mind and much more self-control (Lord willing), and will create the Bode Bash event, as promised. Shortly thereafter I will be seeing my Bode people again after four months of separation! But back to England: the students here are great and I truly have made friends with whom I fully intend to stayin touch, but friendships weren’t my focus upon arrival and that is very evident now, upon departure. I suppose these last few weeks could be seen as part of the transformation of the Torchbearers program – I’ve never been more quiet and alone than I was here at England. And I believe it was not in a negative or self-pitying way – that’s not how I feel, at least. Yet even as I type this I hesitate to say these things, these positive and exciting things about my faith. My spiritual momentum will be challenged to an extreme in just a few days. I want to think these last eight months consisted of changes that are real and permanent, but only Christ in me can make those changes lifelong, and only God knows the plan for post-Torchbearers life. If you’re the praying type, please pray for my heart attitude… Lord knows that when this Bible-school bubble pops, anything and everything can happen to me in this world. I’m still human, I’m still full of fleshly and selfish desires; I’m still me.

Reading through Hebrews this evening, I was caught off-guard at its dry text that was much more challenging to get through than the rest of the epistles before it. Writing like this that pertains mostly to Jews in the first century is always harder for me to relate to without an intensive Bible study or sermon series, but I did get through it and actually came across many encouraging verses. Praise the Lord :)

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” –Hebrews 12:1-2

so proud :]

That's right. I'm dating a college alumnus. And I LOVE IT :D
Two weeks ago tomorrow Joel graduated from Washington State University with his degree in Criminal Justice and a double minor in Political Science and Sociology. I missed the big day and while I wished more than anything on that Saturday afternoon that I could have been with him to celebrate, I am happy to know that his friends and family made that weekend special for him. He had his immediate family there, plus a number of extended family members who were there to support him as well. I'm so very proud of him and all the work he's done the last 4+ years to get to where he is today. This time next year (Lord willing) I will also be two weeks graduated and well on my way into the real world with a great job and a bright future.

Joel finishes up his Deputy Sheriff Reserves training program in just two weeks, graduating top of his class I'm SURE ;) It will then only be a matter of time before he gets a full-time position in law enforcement, at which time I'll be able to say I'm dating a cop. aka - a man in uniform. That's not a dream of mine at ALL ;) I'll post all about that when it happens, no doubt. The day after the reserves graduation he catches his very first international flight and heads to London, England. I get to see him in just 17 days and I absolutely CAN. NOT. WAIT.

The Lord is so, so SO good and has brought us to and through so many things in the last 8 months - but the last 5 months in particular. Next week we celebrate the 9th month we've been together, and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. We are stronger and more dependent than ever on our Heavenly Father. It's wonderful :) I'm excited to hug him again, and see his face for the first time in 282 days. I'm sure if I still had my Facebook activated, my countdown and excitement would be all OVER the place. Maybe it's a good thing I don't, then :P

<-----Lydia obviously wasn't having the best day ;) But her outfit is ADORABLE!!! [it's a wsu cougar cheerleader infant outfit] And look at my handsome boyfriend. Best face EVER when he laughs :D

I love you, Joel Elliott Regalado.

consistent inconsistency [pt. 2]

[This blog is part three of a 3-part update posted today, but is part TWO of a 2-part post I call "Consistent Inconsistency." For full understanding, please scroll down and read part one first.]

continued update ::PART THREE::

Unrelated to Facebook, the Lord has blessed me in other areas of free time as well. Krystina and I get up Monday-Friday (as regularly as possible, at least) to go jogging. We experience the breathtaking beauty of the English countryside and the baby lambs waking up and calling for their mamas. We see the early sun beam down on the endless hills of fresh grass, as well as the horses and cows in surrounding pastures. Sometimes Krystina and I choose to just walk and talk - laughing and sharing and learning about one another. It has been, hands down, one of the biggest blessings I was not expecting.

The sheep are everywhere, sleeping and grazing under the massive trees that hold beautiful leaves and loud birds (especially first thing in the morning), and that’s what Krystina and I walk and jog through in complete amazement. God’s creation is simply unbeatable.

[written wednesday, may 11, 2011]

Today marks halfway through the term. It’s been 4 weeks, and we have another 4 yet to go (which feels like nothing when I think about the six whole months I spent doing this in Germany). But, that also means this upcoming weekend is Travel Weekend, which of course makes today a Prayer Day/ Day of Reflection. And there ya go – the reason for the update :P Well that, and my dearest boyfriend wrote a little “ps” in one of his sweet letters that said I should get back into blogging. Aw, he actually takes time for my online diary :D And for the record Joel, I think it’s awesome you work at Cougar Country. Just know that my friends will all be asking you for fries and shakes from now until you quit ;)

The lectures at Spring School are on a variety of subjects, alternating between guest speakers and Capernwray staff and are sometimes a joy to sit through, while other times prove to be a bit harder to stay focused. Already, we’ve been through several series including Ephesians, Deuteronomy, 1 John, Revelation, 1&2 Kings, highlights of Isaiah, and last week we had Peter Reid (our principal at Bodenseehof!!) here speaking on Joshua. It was SO great to see a familiar face and hear a familiar lecture style. The kids here at Capernwray absolutely LOVED him – and rightfully so. God truly speaks through Peter’s humble and transparent personality. It’s great :] The assignments here, as my previous update mentioned, have much more precise and strict requirements. Our first paper was due yesterday (and we now have another due each Tuesday for the next two weeks), our first test is Thursday, and no one really knows how to get everything done. We’re reading through the New Testament this term, and I’ll admit I’m a bit (ok, REALLY) behind in that area. Thank goodness I’m not traveling this weekend like the rest of the school so I can have the peace and quiet my heart is craving to catch up on LOADS of NT reading!

The only thing I have left to mention in this update is the addition to my testimony (which I noticed only today as my roommates and I went around sharing testimonies and praying for one another). I used to struggle with the concept of a “testimony” because I grew up thinking everyone (including myself) admired only the crash-and-burn stories. The stories that were most effective, in my opinion, were the ones where the Lord had intervened someone’s crazy life and had pulled them out of their mess and they now claim to know the Lord personally and can look back on their past for evidence of God’s grace and love for us. My own testimony… not so exciting. I grew up in a Christian home, parents raised me in the church, went to summer church camps where I accepted Christ at the mature and sophisticated age of 9, been living the same life every since. See? Yeah, not as thrilling as the story of the kid next to me with tattoos who was once suicidal and addicted to drugs, but now serves the Lord daily as he prepares to spend his life on the mission field. Ok that’s a bit extreme – but I hope you sense what I’m getting at. My testimony has been something I’ve prayed about for many, many years – literally asking the Lord to GIVE me a tragedy so I can depend on Him and bring glory to His name (let’s be honest – I was looking to glorify MY name with the attention that kind of story would get). Needless to say, I have yet to experience such a tragedy. However, today the Lord revealed something to me that I hold very close to my heart because it cuts right into the core of my identity. I do have a struggle, and we can call it the struggle of “the balance.” This balance, of course, is the balance between love and law. I have struggled my ENTIRE life with identifying myself with both love and law, and properly executing the balance so the world can see the character of Christ in me. This may sound like an everyday struggle that all Christians have (and that’s probably true) but mine is on a level that has actually determined who my friends are, who I am TO these friends, how I see the world and how the world sees me. I like to think of my Christian walk in regards to this struggle as a long line with an extreme on each end. On the one end you have the “righteous high-horse legalist” which I rode for the first eight years or so of my faith because I didn’t know anything else. This, I could tell pretty early on, was not the fastest way to make friends. But because I never studied the Bible at great enough length, I clung to the only thing I knew – the rules. I understood them, so I preached them. When my social life became too important to give up for something as arbitrary as faith (at that age, anyway), I became very quiet about what I believed. I knew in my heart of hearts what was there, but felt absolutely NO need to share it with others. This would explain my “public school apathetic faith” occurring at the same time as my “super involved with my youth group and lovin it faith.” I genuinely loved the Lord, but was too reputation-focused to truly live it out. When I was about 16 I began to soften to the idea of love instead of law, and I started using God’s unconditional love and forgiveness as a means to justify disobedience to His law. So I started a slow motion downward spiral across the spectrum to the opposite end, which I call the “loopy liberalist.” Everything was about how Jesus loves me no matter what, and this life is too hard to do perfectly, so give yourself (and others) grace! Because it was such an opposite extreme, it took me a while to fully adopt this mentality, but about six years later I was at the absolute worst stage of hypocrisy I have ever reached. I see now how much sin I was condoning in the dirty lives of those around me by way of the sin I was living in myself. I was living two lives, claiming to love the Lord but proving to the world the exact opposite. I was a walking, talking, living lie. I was an especially great liar to myself, living in complete denial. In fact, the only reason I can say these things today is because of God’s revelation and grace in the last eight months. Admittedly, I would occasionally have moments of slight recognition that my life was a mess, but I refused to change much about it. I didn’t want to become legalistic again and lose friends (nor could I say confidently that I desired the laws anymore), so I stayed temporarily satisfied swimming in my big pool of sin. My heart still belonged to Jesus and I could feel Him tugging at times, but I was far too stubborn to acknowledge it outwardly. See, I never once denied my faith. I always new at my core that I wanted to live for Him – I just drowned myself with things and feelings of this world, I couldn’t ever pull myself up out of it, and I had WAY too much pride to ask Jesus to do it for me.

So that’s it – my life up until September 2010: a slippery slide down the line between two extremes. And although my coming to Bible School eight months ago did remove me from the situations of my old life, I still struggle with this balance every day. Depending on the issue, I can’t ever react with consistency. I either hop on my righteous high horse and come at it with extreme legalism, or I’m too afraid I’ll offend someone so I get passive and justify the liberal and care-free response. The best way I can describe my walk with Jesus in the last 13 years: Consistent Inconsistency. I’ll probably title my first book that, if I ever write one. My life is in more dependency of Him now than it ever has been. Clearly, I can't do this life alone.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act." -Psalm 37:5

consistent inconsistency [pt. 1]

[This blog is part two of a 3-part blog posted today, but is part ONE of a 2-part update I call "Consistent Inconsistency," explained at the end of the bit posted just after this one.]

continued update ::PART TWO::

Update: beginning of Capernwray [arrived on april 16, 2011]

After an exhausting and emotional two days of trains and busses, the Lord finally brought us to Capernwray Hall safely. We learned a great deal in those 48 hours of traveling, the biggest lesson being complete dependence on Christ. Trusting in His plan and His protection. I think that’s a lesson we need to learn and re-learn in this life – we never seem to get it. In any case, we arrived and I for one have never been happier to take a shower. My sleep that first night was incredible. The first week absolutely flew by and I decided by the end of that week to send out an update to those I loved back home and abroad elsewhere. I recognized some similarities and some differences in life at the castle compared to life at the Bode. I also became quickly aware of the lack of internet reliability and strength (aka: Skype calls were out of the question for the next 8 weeks). I felt the need to inform all

with whom I’d promised to stay in touch that it would have to be through e-mails and letters. The Lord was taking away my distractions, one by one, and preparing me for the most isolated and intimate time of my walk with Him. I’ve included the update here in this blog, so if you’re one who’s already seen it, you can just scroll to the bottom ;)

[Written April 23, 2011]

“Life at Capernwray Hall is much different, yet so similar to life at Bodenseehof. We have the typical morning routine of wake up, breakfast, duties, lectures, breaks in between, lunch, duties, free time, dinner (they call it tea here), duties, evening lectures, free time, bed time. The slight differences are that lectures are 4 hours in the morning, not 3, all reading and assignments are required for the end-of-term certificate and our completed assignments get mailed to professional graders to get marked. Each assignment has very specific and strict ways and processes of being complete, our free time in the afternoon is only 3 hours instead of our normal 5 or so, there are no lights out - it's a "personal responsibility" thing, the dress code is here but not really enforced, attendance in each lecture is actually taken and monitored so skipping really isn’t an option [for those to whom that would apply, of course]. We don’t have memory verses at Spring School which is nice, but I sort of miss them sometimes. They have small groups much like K-Groups but they’re called Family Groups. They serve the same purpose – to come together and share openly and to pray for one another regularly. There’s a second small group we are each a part of called Interactive Groups. These consist of about 10-15 students from your state or nearby states/areas back home. These are student-led Bible Study groups that are mandatory and also meet once a week. Two students are assigned to lead the discussion once a week and meet with the Dean of Students before the discussion to get the topic and material approved. My group is ENTIRELY Washingtonians, which means I’ve been given at least an hour a week with the people I will be physically closest to once we say goodbye here and hello again back home. For that, I am very excited :] There are a few other differences I can't recall at the moment. It's just little things, really, that make the difference. We have 147 students total this term, over 60 of them are American [WOOOOO!], then quite a few Canadians [as usual], and the “rest of the world” countries make up the remainder of the student body. Over 16 nationalities are represented here; we actually have TWO authentic African students from Kenya who are hilarious and extremely fun :] The British accent is wonderful to hear everywhere I go... all staff and most lecturers have an accent from either England, Ireland, or Scotland and it's fanTASTIC! :]

My main struggle [STILL] is making time for the Lord daily. I have the desire and the resources, I just need to put the two together. I'm finding it hard to understand where He wants me at this castle. I have great people around me who I don't know, so I could be investing in them. I have a couple people here who I DO know, so I could be investing in them. I have a huge pasture with lots of hills to climb, so I could be exploring them. I have lots of rooms that are sometimes quiet, sometimes not, I could be spending my time in them. I have three roommates who are all great women but who I don't know very well at all, I could be investing in them. I have the Bible reading for school requirements (the New Testament in full), I have lecture reading in Deuteronomy and other lecture reading in Ephesians I need to be doing, so I could be spending my time doing that. I have a devotional book, journal, and a good Christian classic book I could be spending my time plowing through. There are only a couple local towns, and each has a bus offered once or twice a week, so I could be spending my time exploring such places. See, I have so many options, and with only 3 hours of free time each day in the afternoons (because my morning and evening free time is always spent with duties or winding down to go to bed), I'm struggling lots with where to spend my time. I want to be still before the Lord because I know that's when He speaks. So that's my first choice and my heart's first priority. I try to keep my daily checklist down to the basics: do my duty, go to class, be with the Lord. I trust that if I do these things with a grateful heart and loving attitude, He will provide the exact friendships and fellowship I need in order to grow the most in His image. I trust that His plan for me is great, and is possible even without my control or understanding of how exactly it'll happen. I’ve been here 3 weeks and have already made some great friends that I know I’ll keep after we leave the castle. And, of course, I’ll always have Krystina, Jon, and Alyssa :]

So, after all that rambling, I'll wrap it up with this: life here is busy, but life anywhere and everywhere is busy. If I don't form the habit and routine of being still before the Lord daily, I may have missed out on the greatest lesson one could possibly learn in 8 months of Bible school across the world. So prayer for for that would be MUCH appreciated :]

Things with Joel are fabulous - I'll spare you the details since that's not the focus of my life currently. Or at least, shouldn't be. But I will share that Joel graduates on May 7th from Washington State University with his degree in Criminal Justice, and will complete his 6-month Deputy Sheriff Reserves program at the end of the month. He'll stay a reserve for about a year in that same town, and currently works part time as a burger-flipper at a local burger joint called Cougar Country. How prestigious ;) His parents, aunt and my parents went in together on a plane ticket to England so he can see London for a few days, then come out to the castle and visit me for my last week of school!! :) That was exciting and VERY unexpected news, but will be a wonderful time to show him life here and what I will have been doing the couple months leading up to that. If you could continue praying for our relationship, that we continue to keep Christ the center of all we do and say, and that we continue to seek Him in order to stay in His perfect will. We've still got some lingering struggles that we hand over to the Lord time and time again, and I can see growth and progress in those areas, so Praise be to God for it!”

So that went out via e-mails and letters, and for the few weeks since then I have been enjoying response e-mails and snail mail in my “pigeon hole,” as the British call their mailboxes :] Life out here is exactly what the Lord promised me – a time of personal growth and closeness with Him. Since then, the Lord HAS blessed me with conversations and developing friendships with the students here. Some of the best and most eye-opening times have been through random conversations on walks or sitting on beds late at night with people I would have NEVER expected to be talking to. My Father loves me, and is giving me the comfort and joy I need through the students here. It is absolutely wonderful!

Also, since then, I have discovered some internal pride and identity issues regarding Facebook. I noticed I was going to the website not just daily, but several times a day – easily three or four. I was selfishly seeking affirmation and validation through comments friends would leave on my pictures or my wall. I repeatedly posted statuses in hopes of feeling envied or admired; I wanted to feel popular and lucky. I felt beautiful via photo comments Joel would leave me and would sometimes post pictures for that very reason. I wanted the world to know and see all the ways in which Lord had blessed me – which isn’t a problem if the glory is truly going to the Lord. I must confess, however, that my pride was taking far too much pleasure in sharing that information, and my identity and validation came first and foremost through the attention I received on Facebook. I also noticed I was envying things in the lives of others, in all kinds of areas. Coveting is something I’ve struggled with my entire life, and I do so more than I’d ever like to admit. The conviction I was feeling had developed over a long period of time, and I could no longer deny it nor could I justify it. I began to fear the regret I knew I’d feel upon returning home only to look back at all the wasted time the Lord desired so strongly to use for my spiritual maturity.

So, a week ago I deleted (deactivated) my Facebook account. It was a huge distraction in my life, and was actually causing problems outside my own life. I was distracting and hindering my own boyfriend and that, as far as I’m concerned, will always be enough to let something go. The absence of Facebook will only be for the remaining time here in England, and when I get home in June I will reactivate it. Assuming, of course, that I give my heart and soul to the Lord so as to work with Him on these issues. When I allow it back in my life, I will be much more aware of and wise with my time spent on it, and the things I say to the world through it. I will be in prayer about that from this point forward, and if you’re into praying, that’d be an awesome thing to take to the Lord in prayer for me. Since last week when I said cao to the website I have had so many little pockets of time through which the Lord has spoken to me – I almost can’t even describe it. It’s like all of a sudden there are little sets of 10 minutes or 20 minutes (that I would otherwise be spending on Facebook, of course) that I now spend doing something quiet like journaling or reading the Bible or chatting one-on-one with someone and thing are just HAPPENING in my heart. It’s crazy! I recently did a mini research paper on a hot topic in the realms of debate within the Christian church – just for fun. The question came up, I wanted to know what the Lord said about it, I didn’t have Facebook to distract me, so I did it. Because I could. I researched and discussed and prayed and wrote…. It was like nothing I’ve experienced before! I got my answer, and I have never been more confident on an answer to such a widely debated topic. And the best part – the answer wasn’t mine. It was absolutely the Lord’s and I know it and it would not – no, could not – have happened if Facebook was still a part of my life. I know that because this research and writing happened on a Saturday evening over the course of about six hours, a period of time that is famous for relaxing and wasting on Facebook – for most students, not just me! So there you have it, just one example of God’s faithfulness to His children who listen :] Other little gifts He's given me in this new free time I have include spontaneous walks with friends; conversations, debates and discussions, at the lunch table or dinner table; listening to sermons and podcasts; longer phone calls with my incredible boyfriend; journaling and praying more frequently; and the list just continues to grow each day...

God is so gracious. So faithful. So loving and tender. I can't even express it properly. Thank you, Jesus :]

"He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it" -1 Thessalonians 5:24

two week travels

[note: this post is coming in three parts. given how much time has passed since the last update, this three-part post starts with travels that happened when 2nd term came to a close on April 2, 2011]

::PART ONE::

Update: Greece [april 2-9, 2011]

SO. My time at Bodenseehof came to a close after six long yet quick months and it was time for our two-week travel break.

ATHENS:

Seven students and I headed off to Greece where we first explored the city of Athens for a fe

w days. It was wonderful to climb to the top of the acropolis and see the ruins and walk through old gardens and to think on several occasions, “wow… Jesus and his disciples probably stood right at this very place 2,000 years ago. Crazy!” After three days of sight-seeing, sketchy hostel experiences, and a ton of Gyros, we hopped onto a ferry that took us across the water to the island of Santorini.

SANTORINI:

This is where the film The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was filmed, and we actually took a bus up to the northern corner of Santorini, called Oia, to see the exact hillside on which the film

was set. It was absolutely breathtaking. The island was surrounded by water so deep and rich in blue and green – like nothing I’ve seen before. The history of the island and how it formed from the eruption of an underground volcano was fascinating. We walked through their unique hillside neighborhood full of white houses with blue and white roofs, all overlooking the incredible ocean. Donkeys were everywhere and watching them haul tourists up and down the hillside steps was something to see, indeed. We stayed in a beautiful little hostel villa that had a pool and the sweetest of staff members. After four wonderful days on the island, it was time to say goodbye to two members: Derek and Emily. Their travels would take them up to Paris then Portugal before separating - Emily would go home to Canada and Derek would head to spring school in Austria. The rest of us headed back on the ferry, across the water again to Athens and said bye the next morning to Kendra, who was headed up to Germany to meet her parents for other travels. The remaining five hopped on aplane to Italy.

Update: Italy [april 10-14, 2011]

We landed in Rome and were VERY excited to begin exploring. We made our way by bus to the outskirts of Rome where our cute little apartment was waiting. We checked in, and spent the next four days exploring by foot and by bus all we could se

e in the city. In order of experience, here’s what we saw in those four busy but fun days: the Spanish Steps, the Trevi Fountain, the Pantheon, the Coloseum, the Roman Forum, the Vatican, the Sistine Chapel, the town of Trastevere, the Borghese Park, and on many occasions we indulged in the famous Italian pizzas, pastas, and the world’s absolute BEST gelato. The tour of the Vatican and Sistine Chapel was the most educational tour I have ever been on. The Vatican is it’s own country and has it’s own post office (did you know???) So I sent a postcard to my parents in Washington and one to my sister in Colorado. NEAT. As we learned about and explored the history of the city and country, I became so excited about the Bible’s New Testament, and the history of the apostles and disciples like Paul and Simon Peter. We learned about the persecution and death of so many

Christians back in the day of Christ and the days following Christ’s death. It was absolutely fascinating. The history of Rome is one I will forever be interested in, and my dream is go to back to both Greece and Italy for exactly that – to explore more of the Bible’s teaching by walking up and down the streets of h

istory. Eventually our time came to a close, and we said goodbye to Carly and Brandi, who would make their way together back to Canada just a few days later. Krystina, Alyssa and I headed by train up to Germany, picked up the rest of our luggage from Bodenseehof, and made our way up to England.

Heading into the final chapter of my experience abroad, I didn't know what to expect and therefore didn't have a specific Bible verse in mind. But for future journeys and transitions, I'd like to remind myself of this great encouragement: "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand." -Psalm 37:23

not quite ready (part two)

And this is where we see God’s amazing plan start to unfold in my life. As Peter Reid was giving his end-of-the year announcements today on how to continue our spiritual momentum and live out our faith at home, I found myself picturing life back home. I imagined returning to it in the state that I’m in, as though I were flying home this Saturday, April 2. I began to panic. I’ve learned tons, yes. But God’s timing, as He revealed it to me, kept me asleep until March. It didn’t click until the last three weeks of school and by then, sadly, the majority of focus and intellectual absorption was out the window. Six months is a long time for 100 students to sit still, and by the time I experienced my spiritual awakening, the atmosphere wasn’t the same. But God’s not done with me here, and I feel great and powerful things on the horizon.

Although my relationship with Joel has experienced changes and growth in the Lord, my personal relationship with Christ is still starving and relatively undeveloped. If I were to go back to the people, places, and habits of Issaquah or Pullman in this state of spirituality, I would… well, I would fail. And it’s simply because the sponge of my heart has been soaked only in certain areas. I can confidently leave Joel in the hands of the Lord, now. I can leave my future, my worries, concerns, family and friends all in the hands of the Lord. I finally feel ready, after the foundation and revivals I have now experienced, to begin my pursuit of happiness (as the books say) with an open heart and clear mind.

And, to no surprise at all, God knew this already. In fact, He knew this when He placed the desire on my heart almost two years ago to send in an application for Spring term at Capernwray Hall in England. As my fleshly desires changed and my mind became distracted over the course of the following months and years, I reached September 2010 with zero desire to be gone any longer than I had to be. After all, I had a great guy at home now, and a great job with money waiting to be earned. Last September I had no idea that I would be typing what I’m typing today. If you told me 6 months ago that I’d be aching for more time abroad, that 6 months of Bible School was good for certain things, but actually just the beginning, I would have rolled my eyes and called you crazy. And now, I say it with full certainty: I need more time with Christ. Alone. Out here, on my own, in the Word, in lectures, in a new environment, new country, around new people, with a new heart. And God had that in the books this entire time. Good grief, He’s cool ;)

When my old room started to get together again this term and continue on in Captivating, the Lord started to show me things I never expected to learn. Chapter seven is titled “Romanced” and really paints a picture of Christ wanting to be the one who dates us, marries us, and completely romances us. In a way we’ve never experienced before. He wants us to be head over heals in love with Him, because that’s how He feels about us. He wants to be our knight in shining armor, our prince, our rescuer. And boy did that change everything for me. I’m learning what it means to have a personal Savior be the same as my Heavenly Father, Awesome Creator, and Great Romancer all at the same time. I love the challenge, and I fully expect to develop a new love and infatuation for Him now that He’s given me this perspective.

Saturday I leave for a week in Greece, then a week in Italy, then I have an overnight journey by train up to England. I will check in to the castle (that’s right, our school is a castle) on April 16th. In the next two weeks I fully intend to explore the world and the Word with the friends I’ve made here, giving God all the glory for the things we learn and experience. I want to start a prayer journal. I want to read daily. I want to continue my quiet times. I want to be faithful about the things of my heart, and not allow it to be a dream anymore. These are the things on my heart, coming straight from the Lord, no doubt. I love Him and this new heart attitude He has graciously given me. It has been a fabulous six months here at the Bode, and I will never forget the awesome experiences my Father has given me here. From sunsets on the bodensee to mountain top-views in Switzerland, from endless laughter with roommates to endless discussions about life, from hours spent on Skype to hours spent listening to God’s Word, God has given me so much in my time here.

Our year verse, hopefully one I carry in my heart always: 1 Peter 1:3 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.”

I will post again soon to record the works of the Lord in my life. Prayers for the safety of my friends and me as we travel, and for the expected growth in my near future would be extremely appreciated ☺

not quite ready (part one)

Once again, I finally get around to my blog because today is our reflection day for the past quarter, and reflection on the entire year as well. It’s our last Wednesday at school; we all move out Saturday by noon. So much to reflect on, I guess I’ll start where I left off and move forward as efficiently as possible in this post.

Travel weekend to Strasbourg, France was lovely. The students I went with were great and we had a blast at the rented house, all pitching in time and money for cooking and cleaning, and spent each day in town together. It was a nice weekend away from school, and away from Germany. I got to use my French for the first time in years, and LOVED hearing it all around town as we toured the city and ate crepes on the street sidewalks. We came back from travel weekend and I received my first EVER rose delivery ☺ Joel sent me flowers for Valentines Day, and a few days later his super secret package arrived that I’d been waiting for. Inside was a sweet letter and the most beautiful ring I’ve ever been given – with his birthstone and mine, and our names engraved, one on each side. What a wonderful Valentine’s Day, even abroad. That next weekend was spent on another 4-day outreach, this time to Shönwald, Germany. My sing team, along with a drama team, and two girls from the kids' team all went together and we had a great time. That weekend was a wonderful experience, with the absolute best host family I could have asked for. So many pictures and laughs, and all around good times with kids and church congregations. We came back to school absolutely exhausted, and continued life here at the Bode with papers and assignments due as usual. My sing team started a Bible study together, meeting about once a week to open up the Word and just discuss. Whatever was on our hearts or minds, whatever we needed prayer or clarification for. We were very open and honest with each other every time we met, and this time together has been an incredible blessing for me. Our last meeting is tomorrow evening, and it’s fun to think about where we started in October as a brand new sing team, and where we are today – a small group that meets regularly and shares openly. A lot has been discussed in that setting, and the Lord really used that to show me certain things in my life that quite honestly, I’m not sure how I would have learned or realized otherwise. I had no idea when I expressed my desire for a small group Bible study that it would be my sing team who did it, and that it would benefit me so greatly. God is really good ☺

A couple times in the next few weeks I went to Munich on a Saturday with friends, once to drop off my laptop for repair, and once to pick it up. That kept me busy with weekend trains and fun sightseeing, on top of the school’s normal schedule packed with events and work. I stayed extra busy with the school yearbook, working hard with about six other students to create something wonderful before deadline. My sing team recorded all our songs from this year (just for fun – for us to remember each other better), my old room (Veronika, Brandi, and MK) finally started to get together regularly to finish the book Captivating, and the school year started winding down with sunny weather and excitement for upcoming post-Bode travels!


Before we leave, though, I need to expand on the spiritual highlight of my time at Bodenseehof Bible School. Luke 1:45 “And blessed is she who believed that there would be fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”

On March 13th I experienced something altogether new. Joel and I had been going through some tough issues over the course of the preceding weeks and months, and I thought my prayers and his were enough. My heart was weaker than I thought, though, and on that Sunday in March as Joel and I were having yet another difficult conversation about some hurtful struggles that were still evident in his life, I hit a wall. I could actually handle much less than I thought, and as things were revealed to me that I was unaware of, I began to cry. This upset Joel and before long we were both struggling to find words to finish the conversation. Something needed to happen, to change. Whatever he was doing (or not doing) in his life in Pullman needed to be addressed, and without knowing how exactly to do it, we got off the phone agreeing that we needed to be praying even harder. I would seek advice from the staff here, and he would spend time in the Word and prayer himself. That same evening the Lord spoke to me. I didn’t hear it, but I definitely felt it. He was asking me when He’d be enough, and when I would stop letting the world hurt me like this. When would I let Him fulfill me like He has promised? When would I stop relying on the people in my life and the sins of this world to keep me together and to show me love? Would I ever be able to prove to Him that He is my everything? …..is He my everything? I had no idea what that would look like, if it were true. That got me even more upset – my own God and Father is tugging at my heart and I didn’t even know how to answer. I call it my spiritual awakening. I was born and raised in a Christian home, always having had faith. Some points of my life were more spiritually evident than others, but I’ve never denied Christ or walked away from my faith. I was baptized at age 13, and went on all the mission trips possible from grade 7 through college life. But I would say I’ve been asleep for most of my life. My desire to know the Lord intimately and grow in Him has always been there, no doubt. I loved church camp and youth group but the camp high would always fade and I never felt Christ in my real life. Until March 13th. He woke me up and in His perfect timing is now showing Himself to me in an intimate and personal way (more on that in part two).

To make a very long story short, I spent the next five days asking for prayer and seeking guidance, opening up the Word daily, praying whenever possible, talking privately with the guest speaker of the week, and ultimately telling Joel I’ve been putting far too much reliance and value on my relationship with him and it needed to be on Christ instead. I told Joel that I never offered up our relationship to the Lord, asking if this was something He even wanted me to have. I decided it was best Joel and I took a few days and just prayed. On our own, however that looked, to sacrifice our relationship (and everything else in our lives) to God, asking Him to prepare our hearts for loss, if that was what it would take to get us on the true path of righteousness. If Joel is not the man to whom God wants me slowly giving my heart, I don’t want to be wasting God’s time in this short life I’m living. I want nothing but the will of the Lord for my life and Joel’s life, too. We’ve done a lot of learning and growing together, but without the permission of the Lord, it’s not something we should continue doing – however great the growth may be.

The amount of change I’ve seen in the last 7 months of my relationship with Joel is outstanding ☺ Specifically in the last two weeks I’ve seen the Lord work in incredible ways in Joel’s heart and attitude. We now live life each day knowing the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but until He takes away, He wants us to enjoy the blessings we have. Having opened up my hand to offer everything up to God, allowing Him to take and give freely, I see Joel with new eyes and a newfound love and respect. Joel is a gift to me – one that has brought me closer than ever to my Father through the struggles and challenges of our relationship. We don’t deserve the grace and understanding we’ve been given, because we never gave God the chance to say no to our relationship, but the Lord has been GOOD to us. He has allowed us to grow and walk steadily and evermore faithfully with Him, despite our disobedience toward the beginning of our relationship. The last seven months have been a great story of truth and growth. That being said, Joel is well on his way to spiritual maturity. He’s allowing the Lord to fight and conquer battles for him, and sharing his success with college students weekly. God’s already using him, and I feel like this is just the beginning. Our relationship has taken a sharp turn in the perfect direction, and when I get off that plane in Seattle on June 11, I will be approaching an entirely new man. The little kid I knew in the 2nd grade is absolutely transforming into the very God-seeking, God-fearing man I’ve been praying for in my life. Joel has much reading to help guide him through this transition between lifestyles, in addition to God’s Word itself, and the small group of young men he shares with regularly is the application and practice we Christians NEED to experience as we learn and grow in our faith. I’m so proud of him, and am eternally grateful for God’s grace in our relationship. We pray together now (I can’t wait to get away from Skype and start praying in his physical presence!!), and have re-defined the limits and intentions of our physical intimacy. Our focus is Christ; our goal is to glorify Him. It’ll be hard, but we’re starting now with prayer and discussion each time we talk, so as to solidify the standards we need to uphold before I even get home in a few months. And that’s the thing… my time in Europe has gone from eight months to just over two. We leave on Saturday, and I can say one thing about going home: I’m not even close to being ready.

I am not competent, mature, or confident enough to leave. I am not fully equipped.

The last memory verse assigned this year: Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”