consistent inconsistency [pt. 1]

[This blog is part two of a 3-part blog posted today, but is part ONE of a 2-part update I call "Consistent Inconsistency," explained at the end of the bit posted just after this one.]

continued update ::PART TWO::

Update: beginning of Capernwray [arrived on april 16, 2011]

After an exhausting and emotional two days of trains and busses, the Lord finally brought us to Capernwray Hall safely. We learned a great deal in those 48 hours of traveling, the biggest lesson being complete dependence on Christ. Trusting in His plan and His protection. I think that’s a lesson we need to learn and re-learn in this life – we never seem to get it. In any case, we arrived and I for one have never been happier to take a shower. My sleep that first night was incredible. The first week absolutely flew by and I decided by the end of that week to send out an update to those I loved back home and abroad elsewhere. I recognized some similarities and some differences in life at the castle compared to life at the Bode. I also became quickly aware of the lack of internet reliability and strength (aka: Skype calls were out of the question for the next 8 weeks). I felt the need to inform all

with whom I’d promised to stay in touch that it would have to be through e-mails and letters. The Lord was taking away my distractions, one by one, and preparing me for the most isolated and intimate time of my walk with Him. I’ve included the update here in this blog, so if you’re one who’s already seen it, you can just scroll to the bottom ;)

[Written April 23, 2011]

“Life at Capernwray Hall is much different, yet so similar to life at Bodenseehof. We have the typical morning routine of wake up, breakfast, duties, lectures, breaks in between, lunch, duties, free time, dinner (they call it tea here), duties, evening lectures, free time, bed time. The slight differences are that lectures are 4 hours in the morning, not 3, all reading and assignments are required for the end-of-term certificate and our completed assignments get mailed to professional graders to get marked. Each assignment has very specific and strict ways and processes of being complete, our free time in the afternoon is only 3 hours instead of our normal 5 or so, there are no lights out - it's a "personal responsibility" thing, the dress code is here but not really enforced, attendance in each lecture is actually taken and monitored so skipping really isn’t an option [for those to whom that would apply, of course]. We don’t have memory verses at Spring School which is nice, but I sort of miss them sometimes. They have small groups much like K-Groups but they’re called Family Groups. They serve the same purpose – to come together and share openly and to pray for one another regularly. There’s a second small group we are each a part of called Interactive Groups. These consist of about 10-15 students from your state or nearby states/areas back home. These are student-led Bible Study groups that are mandatory and also meet once a week. Two students are assigned to lead the discussion once a week and meet with the Dean of Students before the discussion to get the topic and material approved. My group is ENTIRELY Washingtonians, which means I’ve been given at least an hour a week with the people I will be physically closest to once we say goodbye here and hello again back home. For that, I am very excited :] There are a few other differences I can't recall at the moment. It's just little things, really, that make the difference. We have 147 students total this term, over 60 of them are American [WOOOOO!], then quite a few Canadians [as usual], and the “rest of the world” countries make up the remainder of the student body. Over 16 nationalities are represented here; we actually have TWO authentic African students from Kenya who are hilarious and extremely fun :] The British accent is wonderful to hear everywhere I go... all staff and most lecturers have an accent from either England, Ireland, or Scotland and it's fanTASTIC! :]

My main struggle [STILL] is making time for the Lord daily. I have the desire and the resources, I just need to put the two together. I'm finding it hard to understand where He wants me at this castle. I have great people around me who I don't know, so I could be investing in them. I have a couple people here who I DO know, so I could be investing in them. I have a huge pasture with lots of hills to climb, so I could be exploring them. I have lots of rooms that are sometimes quiet, sometimes not, I could be spending my time in them. I have three roommates who are all great women but who I don't know very well at all, I could be investing in them. I have the Bible reading for school requirements (the New Testament in full), I have lecture reading in Deuteronomy and other lecture reading in Ephesians I need to be doing, so I could be spending my time doing that. I have a devotional book, journal, and a good Christian classic book I could be spending my time plowing through. There are only a couple local towns, and each has a bus offered once or twice a week, so I could be spending my time exploring such places. See, I have so many options, and with only 3 hours of free time each day in the afternoons (because my morning and evening free time is always spent with duties or winding down to go to bed), I'm struggling lots with where to spend my time. I want to be still before the Lord because I know that's when He speaks. So that's my first choice and my heart's first priority. I try to keep my daily checklist down to the basics: do my duty, go to class, be with the Lord. I trust that if I do these things with a grateful heart and loving attitude, He will provide the exact friendships and fellowship I need in order to grow the most in His image. I trust that His plan for me is great, and is possible even without my control or understanding of how exactly it'll happen. I’ve been here 3 weeks and have already made some great friends that I know I’ll keep after we leave the castle. And, of course, I’ll always have Krystina, Jon, and Alyssa :]

So, after all that rambling, I'll wrap it up with this: life here is busy, but life anywhere and everywhere is busy. If I don't form the habit and routine of being still before the Lord daily, I may have missed out on the greatest lesson one could possibly learn in 8 months of Bible school across the world. So prayer for for that would be MUCH appreciated :]

Things with Joel are fabulous - I'll spare you the details since that's not the focus of my life currently. Or at least, shouldn't be. But I will share that Joel graduates on May 7th from Washington State University with his degree in Criminal Justice, and will complete his 6-month Deputy Sheriff Reserves program at the end of the month. He'll stay a reserve for about a year in that same town, and currently works part time as a burger-flipper at a local burger joint called Cougar Country. How prestigious ;) His parents, aunt and my parents went in together on a plane ticket to England so he can see London for a few days, then come out to the castle and visit me for my last week of school!! :) That was exciting and VERY unexpected news, but will be a wonderful time to show him life here and what I will have been doing the couple months leading up to that. If you could continue praying for our relationship, that we continue to keep Christ the center of all we do and say, and that we continue to seek Him in order to stay in His perfect will. We've still got some lingering struggles that we hand over to the Lord time and time again, and I can see growth and progress in those areas, so Praise be to God for it!”

So that went out via e-mails and letters, and for the few weeks since then I have been enjoying response e-mails and snail mail in my “pigeon hole,” as the British call their mailboxes :] Life out here is exactly what the Lord promised me – a time of personal growth and closeness with Him. Since then, the Lord HAS blessed me with conversations and developing friendships with the students here. Some of the best and most eye-opening times have been through random conversations on walks or sitting on beds late at night with people I would have NEVER expected to be talking to. My Father loves me, and is giving me the comfort and joy I need through the students here. It is absolutely wonderful!

Also, since then, I have discovered some internal pride and identity issues regarding Facebook. I noticed I was going to the website not just daily, but several times a day – easily three or four. I was selfishly seeking affirmation and validation through comments friends would leave on my pictures or my wall. I repeatedly posted statuses in hopes of feeling envied or admired; I wanted to feel popular and lucky. I felt beautiful via photo comments Joel would leave me and would sometimes post pictures for that very reason. I wanted the world to know and see all the ways in which Lord had blessed me – which isn’t a problem if the glory is truly going to the Lord. I must confess, however, that my pride was taking far too much pleasure in sharing that information, and my identity and validation came first and foremost through the attention I received on Facebook. I also noticed I was envying things in the lives of others, in all kinds of areas. Coveting is something I’ve struggled with my entire life, and I do so more than I’d ever like to admit. The conviction I was feeling had developed over a long period of time, and I could no longer deny it nor could I justify it. I began to fear the regret I knew I’d feel upon returning home only to look back at all the wasted time the Lord desired so strongly to use for my spiritual maturity.

So, a week ago I deleted (deactivated) my Facebook account. It was a huge distraction in my life, and was actually causing problems outside my own life. I was distracting and hindering my own boyfriend and that, as far as I’m concerned, will always be enough to let something go. The absence of Facebook will only be for the remaining time here in England, and when I get home in June I will reactivate it. Assuming, of course, that I give my heart and soul to the Lord so as to work with Him on these issues. When I allow it back in my life, I will be much more aware of and wise with my time spent on it, and the things I say to the world through it. I will be in prayer about that from this point forward, and if you’re into praying, that’d be an awesome thing to take to the Lord in prayer for me. Since last week when I said cao to the website I have had so many little pockets of time through which the Lord has spoken to me – I almost can’t even describe it. It’s like all of a sudden there are little sets of 10 minutes or 20 minutes (that I would otherwise be spending on Facebook, of course) that I now spend doing something quiet like journaling or reading the Bible or chatting one-on-one with someone and thing are just HAPPENING in my heart. It’s crazy! I recently did a mini research paper on a hot topic in the realms of debate within the Christian church – just for fun. The question came up, I wanted to know what the Lord said about it, I didn’t have Facebook to distract me, so I did it. Because I could. I researched and discussed and prayed and wrote…. It was like nothing I’ve experienced before! I got my answer, and I have never been more confident on an answer to such a widely debated topic. And the best part – the answer wasn’t mine. It was absolutely the Lord’s and I know it and it would not – no, could not – have happened if Facebook was still a part of my life. I know that because this research and writing happened on a Saturday evening over the course of about six hours, a period of time that is famous for relaxing and wasting on Facebook – for most students, not just me! So there you have it, just one example of God’s faithfulness to His children who listen :] Other little gifts He's given me in this new free time I have include spontaneous walks with friends; conversations, debates and discussions, at the lunch table or dinner table; listening to sermons and podcasts; longer phone calls with my incredible boyfriend; journaling and praying more frequently; and the list just continues to grow each day...

God is so gracious. So faithful. So loving and tender. I can't even express it properly. Thank you, Jesus :]

"He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it" -1 Thessalonians 5:24