not quite ready (part two)

And this is where we see God’s amazing plan start to unfold in my life. As Peter Reid was giving his end-of-the year announcements today on how to continue our spiritual momentum and live out our faith at home, I found myself picturing life back home. I imagined returning to it in the state that I’m in, as though I were flying home this Saturday, April 2. I began to panic. I’ve learned tons, yes. But God’s timing, as He revealed it to me, kept me asleep until March. It didn’t click until the last three weeks of school and by then, sadly, the majority of focus and intellectual absorption was out the window. Six months is a long time for 100 students to sit still, and by the time I experienced my spiritual awakening, the atmosphere wasn’t the same. But God’s not done with me here, and I feel great and powerful things on the horizon.

Although my relationship with Joel has experienced changes and growth in the Lord, my personal relationship with Christ is still starving and relatively undeveloped. If I were to go back to the people, places, and habits of Issaquah or Pullman in this state of spirituality, I would… well, I would fail. And it’s simply because the sponge of my heart has been soaked only in certain areas. I can confidently leave Joel in the hands of the Lord, now. I can leave my future, my worries, concerns, family and friends all in the hands of the Lord. I finally feel ready, after the foundation and revivals I have now experienced, to begin my pursuit of happiness (as the books say) with an open heart and clear mind.

And, to no surprise at all, God knew this already. In fact, He knew this when He placed the desire on my heart almost two years ago to send in an application for Spring term at Capernwray Hall in England. As my fleshly desires changed and my mind became distracted over the course of the following months and years, I reached September 2010 with zero desire to be gone any longer than I had to be. After all, I had a great guy at home now, and a great job with money waiting to be earned. Last September I had no idea that I would be typing what I’m typing today. If you told me 6 months ago that I’d be aching for more time abroad, that 6 months of Bible School was good for certain things, but actually just the beginning, I would have rolled my eyes and called you crazy. And now, I say it with full certainty: I need more time with Christ. Alone. Out here, on my own, in the Word, in lectures, in a new environment, new country, around new people, with a new heart. And God had that in the books this entire time. Good grief, He’s cool ;)

When my old room started to get together again this term and continue on in Captivating, the Lord started to show me things I never expected to learn. Chapter seven is titled “Romanced” and really paints a picture of Christ wanting to be the one who dates us, marries us, and completely romances us. In a way we’ve never experienced before. He wants us to be head over heals in love with Him, because that’s how He feels about us. He wants to be our knight in shining armor, our prince, our rescuer. And boy did that change everything for me. I’m learning what it means to have a personal Savior be the same as my Heavenly Father, Awesome Creator, and Great Romancer all at the same time. I love the challenge, and I fully expect to develop a new love and infatuation for Him now that He’s given me this perspective.

Saturday I leave for a week in Greece, then a week in Italy, then I have an overnight journey by train up to England. I will check in to the castle (that’s right, our school is a castle) on April 16th. In the next two weeks I fully intend to explore the world and the Word with the friends I’ve made here, giving God all the glory for the things we learn and experience. I want to start a prayer journal. I want to read daily. I want to continue my quiet times. I want to be faithful about the things of my heart, and not allow it to be a dream anymore. These are the things on my heart, coming straight from the Lord, no doubt. I love Him and this new heart attitude He has graciously given me. It has been a fabulous six months here at the Bode, and I will never forget the awesome experiences my Father has given me here. From sunsets on the bodensee to mountain top-views in Switzerland, from endless laughter with roommates to endless discussions about life, from hours spent on Skype to hours spent listening to God’s Word, God has given me so much in my time here.

Our year verse, hopefully one I carry in my heart always: 1 Peter 1:3 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.”

I will post again soon to record the works of the Lord in my life. Prayers for the safety of my friends and me as we travel, and for the expected growth in my near future would be extremely appreciated ☺

not quite ready (part one)

Once again, I finally get around to my blog because today is our reflection day for the past quarter, and reflection on the entire year as well. It’s our last Wednesday at school; we all move out Saturday by noon. So much to reflect on, I guess I’ll start where I left off and move forward as efficiently as possible in this post.

Travel weekend to Strasbourg, France was lovely. The students I went with were great and we had a blast at the rented house, all pitching in time and money for cooking and cleaning, and spent each day in town together. It was a nice weekend away from school, and away from Germany. I got to use my French for the first time in years, and LOVED hearing it all around town as we toured the city and ate crepes on the street sidewalks. We came back from travel weekend and I received my first EVER rose delivery ☺ Joel sent me flowers for Valentines Day, and a few days later his super secret package arrived that I’d been waiting for. Inside was a sweet letter and the most beautiful ring I’ve ever been given – with his birthstone and mine, and our names engraved, one on each side. What a wonderful Valentine’s Day, even abroad. That next weekend was spent on another 4-day outreach, this time to Shönwald, Germany. My sing team, along with a drama team, and two girls from the kids' team all went together and we had a great time. That weekend was a wonderful experience, with the absolute best host family I could have asked for. So many pictures and laughs, and all around good times with kids and church congregations. We came back to school absolutely exhausted, and continued life here at the Bode with papers and assignments due as usual. My sing team started a Bible study together, meeting about once a week to open up the Word and just discuss. Whatever was on our hearts or minds, whatever we needed prayer or clarification for. We were very open and honest with each other every time we met, and this time together has been an incredible blessing for me. Our last meeting is tomorrow evening, and it’s fun to think about where we started in October as a brand new sing team, and where we are today – a small group that meets regularly and shares openly. A lot has been discussed in that setting, and the Lord really used that to show me certain things in my life that quite honestly, I’m not sure how I would have learned or realized otherwise. I had no idea when I expressed my desire for a small group Bible study that it would be my sing team who did it, and that it would benefit me so greatly. God is really good ☺

A couple times in the next few weeks I went to Munich on a Saturday with friends, once to drop off my laptop for repair, and once to pick it up. That kept me busy with weekend trains and fun sightseeing, on top of the school’s normal schedule packed with events and work. I stayed extra busy with the school yearbook, working hard with about six other students to create something wonderful before deadline. My sing team recorded all our songs from this year (just for fun – for us to remember each other better), my old room (Veronika, Brandi, and MK) finally started to get together regularly to finish the book Captivating, and the school year started winding down with sunny weather and excitement for upcoming post-Bode travels!


Before we leave, though, I need to expand on the spiritual highlight of my time at Bodenseehof Bible School. Luke 1:45 “And blessed is she who believed that there would be fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”

On March 13th I experienced something altogether new. Joel and I had been going through some tough issues over the course of the preceding weeks and months, and I thought my prayers and his were enough. My heart was weaker than I thought, though, and on that Sunday in March as Joel and I were having yet another difficult conversation about some hurtful struggles that were still evident in his life, I hit a wall. I could actually handle much less than I thought, and as things were revealed to me that I was unaware of, I began to cry. This upset Joel and before long we were both struggling to find words to finish the conversation. Something needed to happen, to change. Whatever he was doing (or not doing) in his life in Pullman needed to be addressed, and without knowing how exactly to do it, we got off the phone agreeing that we needed to be praying even harder. I would seek advice from the staff here, and he would spend time in the Word and prayer himself. That same evening the Lord spoke to me. I didn’t hear it, but I definitely felt it. He was asking me when He’d be enough, and when I would stop letting the world hurt me like this. When would I let Him fulfill me like He has promised? When would I stop relying on the people in my life and the sins of this world to keep me together and to show me love? Would I ever be able to prove to Him that He is my everything? …..is He my everything? I had no idea what that would look like, if it were true. That got me even more upset – my own God and Father is tugging at my heart and I didn’t even know how to answer. I call it my spiritual awakening. I was born and raised in a Christian home, always having had faith. Some points of my life were more spiritually evident than others, but I’ve never denied Christ or walked away from my faith. I was baptized at age 13, and went on all the mission trips possible from grade 7 through college life. But I would say I’ve been asleep for most of my life. My desire to know the Lord intimately and grow in Him has always been there, no doubt. I loved church camp and youth group but the camp high would always fade and I never felt Christ in my real life. Until March 13th. He woke me up and in His perfect timing is now showing Himself to me in an intimate and personal way (more on that in part two).

To make a very long story short, I spent the next five days asking for prayer and seeking guidance, opening up the Word daily, praying whenever possible, talking privately with the guest speaker of the week, and ultimately telling Joel I’ve been putting far too much reliance and value on my relationship with him and it needed to be on Christ instead. I told Joel that I never offered up our relationship to the Lord, asking if this was something He even wanted me to have. I decided it was best Joel and I took a few days and just prayed. On our own, however that looked, to sacrifice our relationship (and everything else in our lives) to God, asking Him to prepare our hearts for loss, if that was what it would take to get us on the true path of righteousness. If Joel is not the man to whom God wants me slowly giving my heart, I don’t want to be wasting God’s time in this short life I’m living. I want nothing but the will of the Lord for my life and Joel’s life, too. We’ve done a lot of learning and growing together, but without the permission of the Lord, it’s not something we should continue doing – however great the growth may be.

The amount of change I’ve seen in the last 7 months of my relationship with Joel is outstanding ☺ Specifically in the last two weeks I’ve seen the Lord work in incredible ways in Joel’s heart and attitude. We now live life each day knowing the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but until He takes away, He wants us to enjoy the blessings we have. Having opened up my hand to offer everything up to God, allowing Him to take and give freely, I see Joel with new eyes and a newfound love and respect. Joel is a gift to me – one that has brought me closer than ever to my Father through the struggles and challenges of our relationship. We don’t deserve the grace and understanding we’ve been given, because we never gave God the chance to say no to our relationship, but the Lord has been GOOD to us. He has allowed us to grow and walk steadily and evermore faithfully with Him, despite our disobedience toward the beginning of our relationship. The last seven months have been a great story of truth and growth. That being said, Joel is well on his way to spiritual maturity. He’s allowing the Lord to fight and conquer battles for him, and sharing his success with college students weekly. God’s already using him, and I feel like this is just the beginning. Our relationship has taken a sharp turn in the perfect direction, and when I get off that plane in Seattle on June 11, I will be approaching an entirely new man. The little kid I knew in the 2nd grade is absolutely transforming into the very God-seeking, God-fearing man I’ve been praying for in my life. Joel has much reading to help guide him through this transition between lifestyles, in addition to God’s Word itself, and the small group of young men he shares with regularly is the application and practice we Christians NEED to experience as we learn and grow in our faith. I’m so proud of him, and am eternally grateful for God’s grace in our relationship. We pray together now (I can’t wait to get away from Skype and start praying in his physical presence!!), and have re-defined the limits and intentions of our physical intimacy. Our focus is Christ; our goal is to glorify Him. It’ll be hard, but we’re starting now with prayer and discussion each time we talk, so as to solidify the standards we need to uphold before I even get home in a few months. And that’s the thing… my time in Europe has gone from eight months to just over two. We leave on Saturday, and I can say one thing about going home: I’m not even close to being ready.

I am not competent, mature, or confident enough to leave. I am not fully equipped.

The last memory verse assigned this year: Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

day of silence.

so, as is the case every time we reach the end of a quarter here at Bodenseehof, today is a day of silence. it's like one massive reflection hour that lasts an entire afternoon, and it gives us a LOT of time to think. we're asked to remain quiet and away from people. i did my quiet time at the beginning of this silent period, wrote some postcards and took a walk to the bank. i'm dedicated to the silence and i reflect best through words, so i figured now is a perfect time to finally blog again. it's been a month and four days, and that's just strange. i'll re-cap first, then describe a bit of life as i know it today.

i got back to school after the first week of January with Veronika and her family, and took off three days later for a week-long outreach in the Black Forest. it was a blast :) my sing team, titled [IN] Dependence, got to sing and speak for four days in front of a multitude of audiences and age groups. we all stayed with host families and experienced an extra bit of German culture in those homes. we made our way through an old castle on our afternoon off, and ended the afternoon with the infamous Black Forest Cake. delicious :] we came home much closer and MUCH happier as a team. the next few weeks were pretty much a blur of reading assignments, written assignments, lectures, exams, and an adventure across the lake to the old German town of Konstanz with some friends. many pictures to show for my past month - all on facebook, in case you haven't already seen them ;)

we studied the gospel of John for a bit longer than a week, had a 2-part exam, then had a guest speaker by the name of Eis Van Dijk [pronounced Ice Van Dyke]. he spoke about many different things, but all were basically "life issues." he was a great speaker with some awesome messages, the main one being "your past has shaped your current belief system, and will determine your future unless it is dealt with." he was really big on digging up our past and finding the truth and meaning behind our behavior and habits of today. it was fascinating. he gave a lecture on the particularly popular topic of dating and marriage. all his notes for all lectures were handed to us at the beginning of the week, which made it much easier to listen :) i did some highlighting and note-taking in margins, but i mostly listened, and it was great. i did some talking with Joel about a couple of Eis's lectures, which made for some interesting conversations and will bring about more, i'm sure.

my new roommates are absolutely wonderful. room 122 has Emily and Kirsten from Canada, Alyssa from Colorado, and myself. great ladies with whom i laugh DAILY. we have our laundry time every tuesday, so we combine laundry and roommate time and gave it the title "122 Tuesdays." every tuesday we start laundry at 3 and hang out the entire rest of the day, up in our rooms sharing stories and laughing til we can't breathe. we are so dedicated and excited about it, our friends outside the room all know not to ask if any of us can hang out on tuesdays anymore. it's great :) mostly we giggle about stupid things, but we also share and pray a ton. i do love them, and must admit i never really thought i would. none of us were more than acquaintances last semester, so the speed and intensity of our bonding caught us all off guard and we are quite inseparable. aside from my few friends here who make me laugh, my emotional state has actually not been as stable as normal. i've experienced loneliness for the first time in a long time.

i suppose if i had to sum up the last month in a few words, it would be, "a busy 4 weeks full of unsatisfying and wavering thoughts about my struggles." numb. bored. abnormal, to say the least. it's hard being away from the ones you love, and surrounded instead by those you don't like. it's hard knowing that as friends prepare to go home to family after this term, your flight home won't be for another two months because a whole new experience awaits in England. friendships here are fun and exciting, but often unsatisfying and possibly temporary. it's hard seeing friends read their Bibles daily, and you can't seem to find 2 seconds to even open yours. it's hard knowing you're at a Bible school and your main struggle is the Bible itself. but this is where i am, and i'm here for a reason. i've spent enough time watching others grow. i'm happy for them and will look up to them probably for forever. my own boyfriend has become an inspiration to me, and if he can get up every morning and start his day off in the Word and in prayer, then i can find time, too. some say this experience is to find my identity; to really "search deep" and find out who i really am. i've learned that to find our identity, we must first accept that it's not our identity. it's Christ alone who offers us identity through Him, and this identity shapes who we are and how we behave. my identity is in Christ. well then. that's easier said than understood.


travel weekend has arrived, and i'm off to Strasbourg, France tomorrow with some FINE students from the Bode. we'll be renting a holiday home that sleeps 9, and will explore the town by day, and cook and relax together by night. it'll be wonderful. my two goals for Strasbourg:
1.) a real French crepe on the side of the road.
2.) one amazing pair of French boots.

after travel weekend i have three days before leaving with my sing team again for a 4-day outreach. this time we'll be like five hours northeast of school, about a half-our from the border of the Czech Republic. i'll cross the border. i must i must. we're going this time with a drama team so i'll get the opportunity to bod with some fellow students out on the road and in schools. once again we'll be in host homes, hopefully this one will be less awkward than my last.

all in all, i need prayer. prayer for my prayer, essentially. i'm discovering much about my present belief system that's been shaped by my past, and often times it's uncomfortable. my quiet times are rare, my prayer life is dull, and my overall spiritual mood is quite often upset. i'm lonely because i'm not filled with the Spirit regularly. i don't want to go home, but i think a lot about not being here, either. ugh :/

oh. happy valentine's day on monday, to those who celebrate. count your blessings, all of you who get to be with your special someone.

dust off the blog.

it's actually been a month. an entire month [minus 3 days]. i remember writing my last post like it was yesterday. i was very stressed but VERY excited to be heading home. i was deep in thought about many things, and also very sick at the time. 1st term was coming to a close, and my upcoming Christmas break was already packed full of plans with family and friends. and here i am, the entire month of December behind me, left with happy memories and hundreds of pictures :)

to put it simply, my time at home was perfect. the ONLY thing that could have possibly made it any better would have been more time. but time is always my problem. i always seem to need more time with people. more time for memories, for laughter, for sharing and loving. i suppose

that's one of God's great lessons for us - only He knows exactly how much time we need in each place and with each person. so, back to the theme of living by faith withOUT all the answers, i am left with nothing to say but thank you. Thank you, Jesus, for all the minutes and seconds i had at home, with my family and my friends, and most dearly, my joel :) you, my sweet boyfriend, i could never get sick of. time with you is where i am happiest and find it easiest to understand the blessings in my life. our planned 8 days was sadly turned into only 6 when God took your grandpa home, and while it made me sad to have less time with you, it broke my heart even more to see you upset. i am eternally grateful for the opportunity to be home in that moment you needed me most, and i am so proud of you for being so strong this past week through all the hard times both alone and with family. i love you and can only pray i'm there for all other moments in your life that are

equally upsetting.

i left school in december, went home for a day, flew to mexico with mikaela and after the parentals met us there the next day, we

all spent the following 7 days together in the sun [or shade in my dad's case] relaxing and catching up. we slept in each morning, spent all day under the sun, played some mexican train, did happy hour every evening by the beach, and watched at TON of big bang and modern family. i have really missed them, especially my sister. life has pulled us all in different directions the last couple of years, and

this is only the beginning. i predict the next 10 years will hold a couple weddings, maybe some kids, and definitely some settling down in towns or states that may not be as close to each other as

we've hoped over the years. so, given those relatively predictable circumstances, time together is a gift now, one to be cherished and recorded via 700 pictures in a week's time. obviously ;)

we flew home from mexico and i spent a couple days waiting for you to come home, joel. you finally did that sunday night, and i remember seeing you walk through the door in my basement for the first time in 3 months.. and that first hug was priceless. i had waited so long for that :) the following 6 days were the mostsatisfying and perfect 144 hours any girl possibly spend with her boyfriend. i've already said this several times, but thank you SO MUCH for being around. thank you for spending time with my friends, and my family, and sitting through hundreds and hundreds of pictures over the course of the week. i'm so grateful you love being in pictures with me... otherwise i dont know if i'd be seeing a future with you ;) on several occasions you took me out to lunch, and dinner, watched a movie with me [a recent favorite of mine now ;)], bought me a Christmas gift, drove me around without question, and took care of me when i needed you most. thank you for your understanding nature and kind heart. the conversations and honesty we shared were what i was most excited to come home to. aside from your kisses ;) my new years with with was everything i could have hoped for. i truly believe i wouldn't make it through this school year as strong as i'm going to if it weren't for you and everything our relationship means to me. last week at home was absolutely wonderful, and i know leaving was the hardest part, but i KNOW that june will be a month unlike any other homecoming i've ever experienced. i can't wait, and i'm beyond lucky to have a guy who wants to wait for me, too :]


seeing friends was also wonderful; so much had changed since leaving in september i wasn't sure what to expect when i got home. but my relationships were somehow sustained throughout my time gone, and reuniting with the girls and guys closest to me was such a joy :) i missed my tri delts SO much and seeing them over new years was absolutely perfect! sara, kim, stephany, katie, devin and jenny - i'm so grateful i got to see you, and kristen and kelsey - i'm sad i missed you but we'll have time this summer! every conversation was exactly what i needed. i love my friends :)

so, in a nutshell, that was my last month. i have some goals and expectations for myself this next term, on which i fully intend to expand in my next blog so as to keep myself accountable to all who read. for now, i'm warm and safe at Verinoka's house with her family and awesome german dog. traveling overnight across the globe all alone was an experience in and of itself, but i'm here now and that's what is important.

i love you all, and miss home an incredibly amount already.

if only.

so. something i've done a lot of thinking, praying, and talking-with-laura about lately is trust. trusting in the Lord, more specifically. it's so easy for me to want the big picture, the whole story. i'd love to know where i'm going to be in ten years, who i'm going to be with, the career i will have started by then, the people in my life now who are still a part of my life then. i would love to know if what i'm doing, where i'm going is the right thing - if my trajectory [concept from last week with Richard Dahlstrom] is in line with God's will. if my friendships and relationships are even worth my time today, because they may mean nothing in ten years. if my thoughts and plans are even worth any effort... because God's plan will prevail and it may have nothing to do with what i think is best for my life. if i could just know for sure who my husband is, i could start preparing today for whatever may need to happen between now and marriage. if i could just know for sure what God wants me to do full-time with my life and education, i could better focus my academics and be proactive in the right areas. if only i were God. that's basically what i'm saying.

the second we know what He knows, we become completely independent. we won't need Him, or anything having to do with Him - relationship, dependence, trust, faith, hope, etc.

this.. is the greatest challenge of the Christian life - living completely by faith, trusting that His plan is the best plan, and it will be revealed to me in the most perfect timing possible for my life.

i fly home in 7 days.

SO. MUCH. TO. DO. STILL.

gahhhh.. prayer is appreciated! :) i'll write more later.

and so it goes

Time is seriously flying. Just to update:

*the Pentateuch paper went well and was turned in on time.
*kFORCE bowling was perfect [minus april and jeannine being sick - we missed you!!!] it was pj's vs. gangsters vs. christmas. philip and i dominated on the pj team, duh ;) we had a blast and I just LOVE my k-group :]
*the Bible book and memory verse exam went REALLY well [thank you, Jesus!] and I eagerly await my score
*travel weekend was a very nice, much-needed break from the routine of life here at the Bode. the weather and scenery were beautiful, the hut was quaint, and the memories I have now of people I spent my time with will forever make me smile :]
*the Missionary Biography paper is due tonight by lock-up. Mine's already turned in and I thoroughly enjoyed the book I chose: God's Smuggler, the story of Brother Andrew. SUCH a great book - I highly recommend it for those both called and not called into the field of missions.
*we have 9 days left to pull The Crossing together. Things are going supurbly on that front, thanks once again to Jesus :] We have thus far figured out the theme, the message, the drama, the testimony, the decorations, and are almost done choosing songs and performers for the music portion of the evening. This weekend will be full of preparations and rehearsals, and then we'll STILL have a whole week to work out the bugs. What a relief :) Please be in prayer for The Crossing, for the hearts and minds of the local guests coming to see the program, for the speaker to use only the words God's given him, for the testimony to speak to those God's trying to reach that night, and for the smoothness of the evening as a whole. Thanks, friends.
*Yes, the Bible Study Project due date is quickly approaching. Still due December 1st, the 15-page paper on a book of our choice [off the list of pre-determined options in our student manual] will be a project indeed. I'm excited for the knowledge I gain by doing it. Maybe I should go pick my book now....
*Sing Teams still have outreach shortly thereafter - [IN] Dependence, the sing team I'm a part of, has a Sunday morning outreach on December 5th. Pray for our preparation please?

Geez.. time is flying. Just yesterday, it seems, sunny October was just getting underway and all of these assignments and activities were just a bunch of overwhelming words on paper. I'm so grateful for the development of friendships and the progress in my own faith and knowledge. I'm learning so much, both by reading and conversing; spending time in the Word and in fellowship is the story of my life these days. And I couldn't be more like a sponge, soaking it all up. Laura has grown ever so close to my heart; we spent a lot of time together at the hut, and before that we just marveled together at how AWESOME our k-group is. Today we went on a 45 minute walking after working on our own papers for the Missionary Biography [which we read together out loud and was one of the more enjoyable book experiences as a result]. I love you, Laura. I just LOVE BEING HERE. Just.. LOVE it ;)

Philip, you're awesome :P
Kendra, I miss you.
Laura, thank you for rubbing my feet.
Kirsten and Rosiland.. you MADE the Hut. Thank you :)
McKenzie, thank you for braiding my hair and rubbing my back.
Roommates, thank you for listening.
Jon, thanks for opening up and sharing. it was really, really great :)
Dylan, good > 50%
fam-bam, I can't WAIT for Mexico!! only 27 days till I fly home to you all!
and Joel, i love you :)

Everyone else, thanks for following! My experiences are far too frequent to put into words here, so I'll just let the Lord show them through my life next time you and I have a conversation. Life here simply gets better with each passing day. I'm discovering who I am, learning to forgive myself and love me for me. I'm talking through struggles I never knew I struggled with. I'm leaning on friends who have my back for all the right reasons, and will never forget me, never stop loving me.
I'm messing up, I'm failing, I'm forgetting.
I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm loving.
I'm laughing, I'm crying, I'm talking.
I'm listening, I'm letting go, I'm giving up control.

Ps. the speakers are spectacular. my notebook is getting uber worn out :]

life: consumed.

mkayyyy so.. God is good. I'm feeling much better lately, both physically and emotionally, so thank you to all who have been praying. My roommates and i are getting even closer, and students here are finally becoming friends. like... REAL friends. which is great :) Philip and i talk and pray together a lot now, and it's nothing shy of wonderful. he reminds me a ridiculous amount of Joel. [ps joel I LOVE YOU]. so it's kind of nice; engaging in conversation with someone who reminds me of the one person i want most :) last weekend we had a K-Group photo shoot and right after that room 124 went out for a photo shoot as well [thank you, Kendra!!!!] and both were very fun. i love pictures!!!! :D

but recently, life just got VERY stressful.

let me just paint the picture of november for you all:
*The Pentateuch paper due tonight by 10:30 [first five books of the Bible]
*3 days later, Sunday K-Group social event [bowling!!!!]
*2 days later, Tuesday Bible Book and memory verse exam [hm. studying would be good]
*2 days later, Travel Weekend begins [Austria hut for the win!!]
*4 days after we get back, Missionary Biography paper due [i should probably start that book...]
* 9 days later, THE CROSSING [production led by Kyle, Christa, Philip, and myself]
*4 days later, Bible Study Project due [15-page paper that i'll have ...no time for? perfect].
*2 days later, more sing teams leave for outreach [15 fully prepared songs needed. hmmm]


great. there goes any chance of having free time or a social life for the next month. but it's all good. we're learning and growing and serving the Lord all the while :) and i love it. keeping myself busy will ALSO make time fly. which means i'll be home in no time. home to you, joel ;)

life here is absolutely great. Jesus is with me and my thoughts and my conversations and i'm praying now more than ever. alone and with people, both. I LOVE IT! :)